(An attempt to begin an ecstatic form of devotion in the vipassana tradition.)

From the moment her eyes met mine

I knew that

I

was lost.

She is beyond beauty

the ultimate

in cool

detachment.

With her I can be

just who I am.

In the early morning and late at night we are

alone together

for an hour

at a time.

Me watching her

watching me.

And in her tender gaze I find

Peace;

the beginning

of true love.

But alas, the path of two lovers is never smooth and she is a very delicate and sensitive creature. If I become too demanding or dependent she simply stands up and walks out on me. And sometimes I am the one who leaves. Our intimacy begins to rub against me. I decide I want to “live” again. Take drugs, dance crazy, see movies. Go out at night and play with my obsessions and fantasies. I even crave a few hours of close wrestling with my demons. Let me suffer and have fun! And anyway who needs her? This relationship isn’t going anywhere anyway! And sometimes I think we separate because we just get bored looking at each other.

But it must be love because

I always come back to her

sweet and easy ways

and that sly little smile

of understanding.

Ms Mindfulness, please

be mine

forever . . .

Whoops!

I mean

for now.

From the Winter 1984 issue of Inquiring Mind (Vol. 1, No. 2)

Text © 1984–2023 by Wes Nisker